So there it is...

That's it, that's what changed my life and my reputation. One extremely awkward conversation in the back of my friend's car. 

Of course the virginity taker in question was a real person, but I had only gone on one date with him and I would most likely never see him again. He lived in another town and none if my friends would ever know him. 

This conversation was the best bullshit I have ever concocted to this day.

This is the completely true story of my virginity and how I would never sleep with skylar in real life. 

I could write a dam research paper

Sexual bullshitters are a glorious breed. We're the tumblr whores and theater fags of the world. By this, I mean that we write fan fictions that would ruin your underwear collection. It's an art.

From this talent,we get the beginning of my lie. 

I researched this. I read adult novels for weeks to prepare myself for the beginning of this lie. 

The lie of how I" lost my virginity".

This is the completely true story of my virginity and how my friends have way too many questions. 

High school never ends

Welcome back kids!

You all missed me huh? Well surprise, surprise, I missed you too! You know what I don't miss? High school.

It's no joke when kids say that peer pressure is a real thing. Everyone knows that not even the fear of the gods can over ride peer pressure. Hashtag drinking, hashtag meth, hashtag sex.

I was always in the "bad" crowd of kids because, in my town, you were either Mormon or you were a rebel. I've never been the religious type so rebel/school slut was the best option. Keep in mind, I was called the school slut while I was still A VIRGIN. Yeah, let that sink in kids.

This is the completely true story of my virginity and whether or not Mormon kids know what sex is.

-M

Freshman Year and the Boy that can go to Hell

With the graduation of middle school comes a whole new idea, dating.

No one knows what "going out" means and I have never gone anywhere with any of those boys and I still don't know what the fuck we were talking about. All I knew at the start of freshman year, was that I was kind of not ugly and had grown at least A cup sized boobs. Bombshell right?

Well apparently I had some sort of allure because, at a basketball game in late November, I met the boy of my dreams. Band geek, tan, curly fro, and abs. His name was Vinny and he was a stereotypical Mormon "bad boy". Sometimes he even texted while he drove his parent's car. At this time, I never thought that a boy like Vinny would ever like me. I mean, if middle school was any indication, then I was dead ugly. He didn't seem to think so and we began to "date".

This was the first texting/long-distance boyfriend I'd ever had. He even used plenty of smiley faces in our conversations. The only thing holding us back was my 100 per month texting plan and the fact that I couldn't drive yet.

Vinny was even the first guy to ask for a "dirty" picture... Oh, don't be alarmed. He asked for a picture of me in a "tight" shirt. Freshman me was mortified. What if my parents caught me in this tight shirt that happened to read "dork-a-saurus"??? They would be so disappointed.

This was actually the first semi-sexual act EVER. It was an adrenaline rush and I loved it.

This is the story of my virginity and how Vinny had another girlfriend the whole time.

-M

Everyone in Middle School is a Filthy Ass Liar

We now return to the previously scheduled program of "religious kids+sexual facts= complete bullshit".

8th grade was an interesting time. This was the time when everyone is growing and producing hormones that fuel rage and lust. Apparently, puberty also activates the bullshit gene.

In 8th grade, everyone was simply trying to fit in and the best way to do that: ACT GROWN UP. I don't mean getting a job or driving a car... Psh! Fuck that noise. No, I mean that everyone starts talking like they know every fact that has ever existed. When I say fact, I mean guess. Every boy guessed what a blow job actually meant and some even researched it. Nobody actually knew what any of this sexual stuff was, but we sure did pretend like we did.

For example, all of the girls that had "become women" started telling all of us young-ins what it was really like in bloody, gory detail. You would think that a roman goddess had come down from the sky and sent demons into their woohas. I, personally, was terrified. I also took this time to freak the fuck out because guess who has always been a late bloomer? Me.

In this whole guesstimation era, people also started calling each other "gay", "jews" and of course "he-shes". They were all clearly on to me....

Tune in next time for more adolescent paranoia....

This is the story of my virginity and how mormon kids can't fake shit.

-M

TV Shows Can't Lie

Welcome back! If you are just beginning this magical journey at is my blog, buckle up fuckers, you're in for a ride.

We left off in the last post by saying that I literally believed that I had a genetic disorder all because colossal tampons and 4th graders don't mix. Now, you may be wondering "how did you believe that for so long?" Well... middle school me was gullible...

Did you know that there is an episode of Grey's Anatomy when they talk about a baby that was born with no sexes? Do you know what that sounds like when a 7th grader is hearing it? Yeah, laugh again guys, middle school me thought that I needed surgery to fix my shit....

Ugh, this is the part where I pray to the African tree frog that NO ONE reads my blog. After watching that fateful episode of Grey's Anatomy, I went home crying because I needed to get a job soon so that I could save up enough money for a plastic surgeon. I even planned to move far away after high school so that I could get this corrective surgery without my parents finding out that they had birthed a freak.

This belief was fueled by the chapter in my biology textbook that talked about the genetic disorder known as XXY... My science teacher even talked about the possibility of being born with NO SEXUAL TRAITS. Fuck guys! Seriously, I am either the epitome of gullible or the gods were hard core fucking with me.

This is the story of my virginity and my undying trust of Grey's Anatomy...

-M

All because of a health class..

Welcome back dear readers. I hope you're ready to begin my story.

Just like every other story of delusion, mine starts in elementary school. I was in the 4th grade and I remember the day too well. Does everyone recall that magical lesson that every 4th grader learns? The obvious lesson that starts us all on the path of self discovery? That's right, I'm talking about the puberty talk.

Keep in mind dear readers, most of the U.S. is taught abstinence-only education. In my little town, however, we are never even taught that sex exists. We only learn what we can deduce from late night, adult cartoons and covert internet searches. The lack of knowledge also extends to the puberty talk.

The talk began a little like this: "I know this is a little scary, but someday soon your bodies will be changing." Of course, 4th grade me was only hoping that I would get attractive soon. I was very disappointed to hear that this "change" meant Niagara Falls pouring from me while I try to hide my pain, and the stained underwear, from the rest of the world.

The talk was uncomfortable and, of course, generally bullshit. All of the girls were given a "sanitary napkin", which really could have been a dinner napkin for all we knew, and a GIANT tampon. Just like that, we were sent back to our classrooms to be bombarded with questions from the boys about what we had just learned. With our heads held high and our backpacks now armed with feminine products we all left school curious and terrified.

Now imagine young me sitting in my bathroom staring at this mammoth tampon. Being young and naive and too scared to find a hand mirror, you kind of just have to guess and lets be blunt by saying I had no fucking clue.

As a 4th grader who can't find her own feminine parts, she just assumes they aren't there. Yes. Laugh all you want. I believed for years that I was just a-sexual or something.

Now, that is the beginning of the story of my virginity and whether or not it exists.


-M

Well isn't that an Interesting Title?

Let me start out by saying curiosity killed the cat, but it also may be the only thing keeping this blog alive.

Something you should know: I don't lead a very honest life. This doesn't mean that I never tell the truth. Of course I tell the truth. I am not driven or creative enough to constantly spout bullshit. What I mean to say is I create the world around me in the way that I chose.

My honestly, or lack thereof, is what really starts this whole story. It will be a ride, a roller coaster really. Keep in mind, the story doesn't currently have and end and, at the rate I'm going, the end may never exist. 

Another thing to remember, I am not here to be judged (I don't even think anyone is reading this), and I'm not here to get advice. I am only looking to fill a requirement for my english class and finally get the truth out.

So, read along if you would like. Maybe even add a comment so I know you are there. I hope you enjoy the clusterfuck that is my sex life. 

Now, without further ado, this is the completely true story of my virginity and whether or not it really exists.

- M