My Favorite Song of the Day

Wake me up, I've been dreaming. It feels just like any other day. I sit you down, here goes nothing, and you're not gonna like what I say. Get out. Just get out. Get out, get out that's what you said. You drive me crazy. I can't believe that's what you did. Don't call me baby! I know I'm wrong, I knew all along that you'd find out. I'm the perfect mistake I'm hoping you'll make right now.

Wake me up, I've been dreaming. Cuz I haven't heard from you in days. Hazy now, this fog just follows me around and it only burns with you always. Get out, oh just get out. Get out, get out that's what you said. You drive me crazy. I can't believe that's what you did. Don't call me baby. I know I'm wrong, I knew all along that you'd find out. I'm the perfect mistake I'm hoping you'll make right now.

I see your face every time I close my eyes. It's worse you say. It comes as no surprise. Why am I hell bent on losing when I can't get you out of my head?

Decisions

Making a decision is one of those difficult life tasks that everyone overlooks. I always worried about if I would get a job when I was older and if I would make enough money. I never thought about what would happen when I was given two perfect options and had to choose.

There is nothing more difficult than a hard decision because you are basically arguing with yourself. You can always ask for other's advice, but really they can't sway your decision. It is all up to you and if it fails, that's your fault.

Making decisions is something you have to be good at. If you're not, you'll fail automatically. Nobody can help you steer your own life. It's tough, but it's life.

Can you believe it?

I was thinking the other day an I wondered, why did I ever start this stupid lie in the first place? What was it that made me think that it would help me. Then it came to me. I was sick of being treated like a child.

In high school, everyones credibility is judged by what year in school you are. Nobody can be smarter or more respected if they are younger than you. I always hung out with older people and that's probably why I hated being treated like my opinion didn't matter. I was so sick of them acting like I had no life experience and so I made up a lie to create more experience than they had ever had.

I showed them exactly how I should be treated because I wasn't some stupid kid. I wasn't just adorable, innocent, freshman. I was an intellectual human being just like everyone else.

This is the completely true story of my virginity and how I can't stand being overlooked.

The Average

Who are we here,

To tell girls they're pretty,

When in all honesty,

It's done out of pity.

When the genetic winners glower over,

And tell us fat is part of getting older.

We're pasted with skinny in every color,

But we can tell it's not okay to be other.

They scream that beauty and personality equal,

Do we even believe we can eat though?

When the biggest villain is what we see,

Through models and actors SEEN ON TV

When will we see the love in the mirror,

And stop the cliche that beauty can't be bigger,

Dream for me now,

A world of equality,

Where women aren't hated for what's on their body.

Maybe then we will see a reaction

Because there's a difference between love and attraction.

Poetry

AllTime Low inspired

Manage me,

I'm a mess, 

Forgotten by those I rely on,

Left for the wolves in an attempt to say, 

"You've got this",

Dreaming,

But they are only dreams,

Because I'm just a kid,

Manage me,

I'm alone,

Hoping to show that I'm human,

Lost in the day,

My eyes won't see,

I live in this world,

Hoping to Assimilate.

Manage me,

I'm a mess,

Help me,

I'm helpless. 

Personality Tests

Last night I was very bored and decided to take a few personality tests. These were all simple and trivial and meant to be harmless. I enjoyed hearing that I was 58% right brained and 42% left brained. I also liked that I was driven by energy and creativity. This all describes me.

It wasn't until I got to the third test that I began seeing me deep flaws. I'm not talking about being too emotional or having a temper. I mean the deep gashed that tear at your personality and leave yourself feeling inadequate and wrong.

I first saw this when my main trait was "Materialistic". That was so hard to read because I always make fun of the shallow and fake. I despise the money and object driven, but there I am. I am just as bad as the big bankers that are corrupt and money hungry.

The second flaw was paranoia. I had high levels of anxiety towards other people. This makes plenty of sense. I tend to expect the worst in people and I don't really trust anyone. This is only terrifying because the website told me that I may never be able to reach my goals or have a steady relationship if I can't trust.

The last gash was attention hungry. That seems about right. I'm the self conscious type of girl that always jokes to get attention. Hearing that about myself and admitting it was really hard. I am still struggling to write this.

It made me realize that I'm not perfect and I have a lot of work to do if I'm going to reach my goals and be the person I want to be.

This is the completely true story of my virginity and how it's all about the foundation.

Where? Who? What?

Let's play a game dear readers. Imagine yourself in your mind. Imagine what you would ideally look like. What color would your hair be? How many piercings would you have? Any tattoos? Are you skinny, chubby, average? What look would reflect exactly who you are on the inside?

Now, from there, imagine your perfect partner. She? He? It? Are they tall? Tan? Black? White? Purple? How do they treat you in your mind? Are they kind and calm or passionate and fiery? Then think of what you want to do with this person. I don't mean a raging sex life. I mean, where do you want to live or travel? What jobs will you have?

Create the ideal form of where you are going and who you want. Isn't it blissful? Isn't it amazing to think that all of that could eventually be yours.

Now, what is standing in your way?